


The One Where They Go to Target

by thegrayness



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: David is a very generous fiancé, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, M/M, PSLs, Patrick Loves Halloween, shopping at Target
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-04 02:09:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21189830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegrayness/pseuds/thegrayness
Summary: Patrick convinces David to go to Target “get fall decor for the store display window.”





	The One Where They Go to Target

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [Schittscreekspookyseason](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Schittscreekspookyseason) collection. 

> **Prompt:**
> 
> Shopping trip to target to buy halloween decorations for their new home
> 
> Thanks to this_is_not_nothing for general handholding and beta things, etc.

“I think it’d be nice if we had some Halloween decorations,” Patrick said during an unusual lull right before closing. David turned from where he was dusting off their bath salt shelf.

“Halloween decorations. In this store.” It wasn’t a question, but it was clear he wanted an explanation. Patrick nodded silently and moved around the counter to lean back against it.

“Well,” he began, and David knew _ that _ tone. Patrick had prepared a speech. “The town is having the All Hallows Eve fest right on Main Street.” He shrugged, too casual, as if he hadn’t been practicing this entire monologue all morning, and scuffed the toe of his shoe on the hardwood floor. David was onto him! Patrick continued, “It might be nice if we had a little something in the window? On theme?”

_ What _ an asshole. Patrick _ knew _ David loved being on theme more than he hated tacky decor. David took a deep breath, ready to debate this Very Important Topic, ready to _ stand his ground _ . But then… Patrick, the _ jerk _ , tilted his head up and gazed at David through his lashes, blinking slowly in the low afternoon sun. “No!” David shouted, turning around. “I will _ not _ be tricked into this by your cute face.” He harrumphed and folded his arms. 

Before David could think of something else to say, Patrick had sidled up behind him, wrapping David up in his arms, no doubt trying to lure David in with his forearms on display, strong and… _ no _. David gave his head a shake and stepped out of his fiancé’s embrace before turning to face him. He opened his mouth to make his rebuttal, a strongly worded argument about sand and stone and the absence of black cats when Patrick stepped closer again, backing David up against the shelving unit. 

“We can get some at the Target in Elm Ridge... you can get...” His voice dropped to a whisper as he went in for the kill. “A PSL.”

David inhaled sharply, but Patrick didn’t let him answer, instead leaning up quick for a long, deep kiss. One that made David lean heavily back against the shelves, made him clutch at Patrick’s biceps and pull him closer. He fluttered his eyes open as Patrick left him with a gentle kiss to his cheek, pulling away with a cat-who-caught-the-canary grin on his face. Only it wasn’t a canary, it was David’s last thread of resolve against god-awful black and orange and purple and green, against cats and pumpkins and witches and ghosts. 

Still grinning, Patrick nosed along David’s stubbled cheek, and David felt himself smiling back before he realized that he was being bamboozled. Had already _ been _ bamboozled into taking a trip to Target all the way in Elm Ridge with his sexy-and-he-knows-it fiancé in the name of _ Halloween decorations _ for his beautiful sand and stone adorned haven. 

He pushed at Patrick’s shoulders to put some space between them; Patrick, who was grinning and now laughing. “You think you’re _ so _ funny with your sexy arms and your PSL seduction and your—your _ kisses._”

“You’ve said it before—I _ do _ have sexy arms.”

David cleared his throat angrily and adjusted the front of his sweater. “Yes well. You and your sexy arms can enjoy closing up together. I will be at the Cafe waiting for you to pick me up for your worst date idea yet.”

“What about the hike?” Patrick called as David stomped out and _ wow _ was he gonna pay for _ that_.

*

“Um, I’m not sure why we would need a _ cart _ here, Patrick. A few _ tasteful _ pieces for the display window, you said,” David complained as Patrick wrestled a cart out of the collection near the door. 

“Actually, David, that’s what you said.” David ignored him and left him in the Dollar Spot as he went to buy their drinks. 

When David returned with festive beverages in hand, Patrick had practically filled the front basket of the cart with cheap trinkets and pens and sticky notes in the shape of ghosts that David would not be admitting were semi-tolerable, if not actually cute. He said nothing, just handed Patrick his drink—he’d gotten him a snickerdoodle latte because teasing Patrick about how much he loved the most sugary drink ever was David’s favorite seasonal activity. 

His general annoyance at Halloween decoration shopping at Target decreased very slightly when Patrick murmured a _ thanks _ and leaned in close to press a sweet, soft kiss against David’s cheek. David felt his cheeks flush and looked away, clearing his throat. “Yes, well—” He waved his hand dismissively at the cart. “Let’s keep going before you grab more of these _ boo-tiful _ sticky notes.” David rolled his eyes and walked ahead, but stopped and turned abruptly after a few feet when he realized Patrick was not next to him. He turned to see Patrick staring at him in awe.

“David,” Patrick said, shoving the cart forward and trotting to catch up to him. “You just made a _ pun._”

“I—”

“A _ Halloween _ pun!” Patrick exclaimed, and that just would _ not _ do.

“Alright, let’s just settle down and move along here. The seasonal things are in the back corner.”

“How do _ you _know where the seasonal things are in Target?” Patrick asked, and his voice was high and happy again. 

“I can smell the nylon blow up characters from here.” He strode forward, leaving Patrick to trail behind him.

*

On their way to the seasonal section, David got distracted by a few fall themed items in the regular home decor department. He plucked a shopping basket from the convenient stack at the end of the aisle, and moseyed his way along, dropping a few almost-orange candle holders into his basket, as well as a nice leafy table centerpiece that could double as a foliage arrangement in the store window. Patrick was long gone, probably crunching some numbers on whether they could afford a tacky plastic doorway decoration. 

By the time David arrived at the seasonal “decorations,” he’d filled his basket pretty well with many acceptable, tasteful, and even multi-season pieces for the store. Plus, he’d taken it upon himself to choose a few items for their new house. They didn’t have anything in the way of seasonal decor, and David figured he may as well start to build up their collection now. So five years down the line they’d have a robust set of pieces to bring a new immersive experience to their home when the seasons changed.

Lost in thought about the horror but maybe excitement of hosting a dinner party at their new home, David nearly had a heart attack when Patrick, his loving fiancé, fucking jumped out from behind a display of fake bodily fluids dressed as a _ vampire _. David clutched the handle of his basket to his body, his other hand flying up to his chest as if that would slow his rabbiting heart rate. 

“Patrick, what the _ fuck,” _ he hissed. Patrick was already wearing a white button-up, and he’d added a black cape and had his face squished up in a growly expression with startlingly white vampire fangs crammed in his mouth. He was giggling, and then he was doubling over and spitting out the teeth into his palm. 

“David,” he said through his laughter. “I love your face. So much.” He reached out and squished David’s cheeks between his palms pulling him in so a wet smooch. 

“_What _ is _ happening _ right now?” David took a step back. “Did you buy those teeth? You just put those in your mouth before sterilizing them and then you kissed me!” He put down his basket and set his half-empty drink on a shelf, standing with his hands on his hips. “Is that your costume this year?” David did nothing to hide the disapproval in his voice, gesturing to Patrick’s… everything. 

Patrick smirked. “And why shouldn’t it be? It’s very realistic.”

“You mean because you’re so pale.”

Patrick moved closer to him and wrapped his arms around David’s waist, pulling them flush together. “No.” He dipped his head down to nuzzle into the crook of David’s shoulder, and David could feel Patrick’s lips trailing over his pulse—in the middle of Target. 

David took a shaky breath. “Why then?” He rested his hands on Patrick shoulders, sliding them underneath the stupid polyester cape. Patrick rubbed his cheek against David’s sweater, pressing proper kisses to the sensitive skin beneath his ear. David let out a quiet groan but before he could nudge Patrick away because they were _ in the middle of Target_, Patrick bit his neck _ hard. _ David gasped, the sound echoing off some of the bare candy shelves, his thumbs digging into the joints of Patrick’s shoulders where he was clutching at the fabric of his shirt. 

“That’s why,” Patrick mumbled, licking at the spot. David still felt the sting of the bite and wondered wildly if Patrick was actually trying to confess something to him. But then Patrick was pulling away from his neck, dragging his lips up David’s throat and they really could _ not _ do this in Target. David took a step back but didn’t loosen his grip on Patrick’s shoulders. 

“Oh—kay,” he breathed. “Are we done here? We have to go home.” David bit his lip and stared at Patrick’s mouth, red from where it had scraped over David’s stubble. He started to lean in—

“We have to finish shopping for decorations, David,” Patrick said then he turned with a flourish of his cape and walked over to their cart.

Their cart which was, to David’s horror, filled with three boxes, each containing a separate inflatable lawn ornament: a Jack-o-lantern, a black cat, and an abomination of an adaptation of Frankenstein’s monster. David could feel his face contorting. “_Absolutely not.” _

Patrick put on an exaggerated pout almost before David finished speaking. “David!” He said with a laugh, pushing out his bottom lip even more once he got himself under control. David rolled his eyes. This wasn’t the first Halloween they’d spent together, obviously, so he must have blocked it out again—blocked out the spooky-obsessed person his fiancé turned into every year. The whole thing would be endearing if David’s entire home aesthetic wasn’t perilously at stake. David was getting whiplash from the range of emotions Patrick was exhibiting today—maybe he was practicing for his next audition. 

“Where exactly in our _ store _ do you imagine these travesties living, Patrick?” He picked up his basket and his drink and stood next to Patrick, steadfastly ignoring the look he was probably getting. 

“Our front lawn?” Patrick replied hopefully. “Hear me out!” He exclaimed before David could firmly explain the first of his “Absolutely Not” bullet points. David stared at him and took a sip of his latte. “Okay so this one,” Patrick lifted the box with the monster. “Not just Halloween-y but _ also _ intellectual, right? Literature!”

“I’m gonna stop you, Patrick. We are simply not putting a giant green monster on our front lawn. I will hear your next argument.” He pulled over an impossibly purple plastic Adirondack chair and settled his basket of goodies next to him. He gestured for Patrick to continue. 

Patrick was still wearing his vampire cape, and without the teeth he sort of looked like a magician—the thought made David hide a smile behind the rim of his cup. Patrick took a deep breath and heaved the black cat’s box out of the cart. “Um—you love Hocus Pocus?”

David smirked and shook his head. “Weak. You think I’m putting a black cat in front of our new house?”

Biting his lip, Patrick glanced at the box in his hands and then back at David. “Okay, that’s a good point,” he admitted and shoved it back on the shelf. He picked up the final box, clutching it to his chest. “This is a pumpkin and I really want it,” he rushed out, giving the box a squeeze so the cardboard squeaked against the tape holding the corners closed. David tried to quell a smile in the face of Patrick’s earnest expression, so he turned to look at all of the items he’d collected on his journey to the festive section, admiring a gold and white ceramic pumpkin that would go beautifully with the candles on the back shelf at RA. He turned back to Patrick. 

“I’m buying everything in this basket,” David offered and Patrick’s eyes lit up. 

“Deal!” He threw the pumpkin box back in the cart, and then helpfully picked up David’s basket and put that in the cart, too. “Should we stop by the snack aisle? Oh, we probably need candy for trick-or-treaters now, right?” Patrick asked, sliding his fingers into David’s hand and pulling him up. Before David could answer with _ yes, obviously_, (though mostly about snacks for himself) Patrick was tugging him along to the snack aisle, humming what sounded suspiciously like _ Monster Mash_. 

And, yes, David could admit their Target trip turned out to be a graveyard smash. 

  



End file.
